Now today, for something completely different (since yesterday)... I'm feeling about 18 different kinds of despair. There's no way I could be pregnant, you know. I guess there's a little, tiny, slim-to-none kind of way, but that's it. Other than occasionally rubbing my belly, there are no signs or symptoms. Today for some reason, I just know I'm not.
Feelings aren't facts, feelings aren't facts, feelings aren't facts, feelings aren't facts, feelings aren't facts, feelings aren't.... I should make myself write that until I truly believe it, don't ya think?
It's amazing how one can be so up about this one day, and so down the next. It's too soon to even know, yet this is how I feel today - this little doubt in my brain telling me it couldn't possibly have worked.
Hey, maybe it's just because today was my first Monday at work in six weeks... I've had a lot of short weeks lately, due to my compressed work schedule (I work 9 days out of 10) and the holidays. So - yeah - maybe it's just that. Maybe I just have a case of the Mondays...
Oh - but it didn't help that today I learned that tarragon, which is in my daily tea, along with mint, is apparently not safe to use while pregnant. Great! This is the news that actually kind of began my crankiness and bad feelings today. Anyhow, the tea is mostly mint, with just a "pinch of tarragon," according the package, but still... I drank several cups of it on the weekend and today, before I learned about that. Supposedly it can induce menstruation and cause other problems with pregnancy. Super! I was avoiding my Earl Grey and green teas because of caffeine, but I guess I'm supposed to watch out for herbal teas too... do you ever feel damned if you do, and damned if you don't? Sigh. But feelings aren't facts, feelings aren't facts, feelings aren't facts!!
But I write for release, so I'm releasing (I hope) these more negative feelings today. I don't want to be overly hopeful. I don't want to assume the worst. Balance - I've said it before, I'll say it again - it's seems so crazy impossible to attain in this journey, doesn't it? But feelings aren't facts.
Oh Lord, help me cling to you alone - not my crazy, up and down, feelings.
Whoever dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty. I will say of the LORD, “He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust.” (Psalm 91: 1 & 2)
It is hard with dos and donts. So many things supposedly stop pregnancies/help conception. I'm trying to be a bit more relaxed with it, but its tough. So up and downa, praying you through it all. Love LG
ReplyDeleteThank you for understanding, LG!!!!! Btw, every time I buy tea, I think you!! I almost bought some Lady Grey the other day. I love Earl Grey but thought I'd give the Lady a try, in your honor!!! But then I stuck to the herbal varieties instead, b/c of trying to reduce caffeine. Anyhow, thank you so much for your prayers!!!!! Hugs!!! :-)
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