The 2 week wait...

I'm officially in the 2ww now! So far, so good. The first couple days after IUI were very crampy and icky feeling, but now I'm feeling good. I've even been getting proper rest - for me, that's a minor miracle (possibly a major one.) It might be the progesterone helping that along, but it is good to get rest - even if it does come in the form of a suppository. (Yuck!) Every time I pop one in, I think, "Ohhhh, the things I do to have a little one...." But that is probably not the kind of thing I would tell our kid about, even to incite a major guilt trip, now is it?

"Do you see what time it is, junior!!?? You stayed out past curfew - do you know what I had to do to get you!!! That's right, I had to stick little capsules up my nether regions!!! Now you darn well better not do that again - and wash the dishes while you're at it, or do you want me to tell you about the shots too??????"

Yeah - probably not gonna happen.

Anyhow, I'm feeling surprisingly sane at present - oh, except for all the times I walk or drive around patting my belly, like I'm an actual pregnant woman. My belly could probably pass for pregnant looking, by the way... Sigh. I seriously do that... I'll just notice that I'm sort of rubbing it, thinking,

"Fertilize and attach, junior, fertilize and attach... yeah, that's a good boy." (Or girl.)

Wonk, wonk - all aboard!! Next stop - CRAZY TOWN!!!

I am realistically hopeful. The odds are against me. I'm old, I'm overweight - and Ar's counts were not good. The odds are definitely against me. Still, I'll hold out hope because I know that miracles still happen. I know I haven't been ruled out, but I am realistic.

I'm looking forward to my girls' weekend in the Dells too - but I have some anxiety (mild/normal anxiety, not panic) because I'll know that day if I'm pregnant or not. What if I can't handle bad news and I ruin our weekend? Ugh!!! I doubt that will happen. I'll be ok, I think... right? Yes! I will. Maybe it'll be yes and the weekend will be all the more joyous!!! Time will tell...

Speaking of... I probably need to pick up some sticks to pee on, when the time comes.

Part of me felt like I was "nesting" today... After church I got groceries, then puttered around straightening - put away all my injection stuff - baked bread, made dinner, sewed a button on something... these are normal things to do, but today it felt like nesting.

This is what worries me, patting my belly, and feeling like normal domestic jobs are somehow nesting. Also, in church today, I was smiling at how adorable the kids were, during the children's sermon, instead of feeling frantically and insanely jealous!!! Oh boy.

Well, I can't help what I feel right now, but it would do me good to remember that feelings are not facts. Normally I use that phrase when I'm feeling bad, but really, it applies to feeling good too, I suppose.

Today in church, this was one of the scripture readings:

"For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord." (Romans 8:38 & 39)

I kept thinking, "nor infertility...."

Indeed.