"God puts rainbows in the clouds
so that each of us
– in the dreariest and most dreaded moments –
can see a possibility of hope."
(Maya Angelou)
Today, a day earlier than expected, AF showed up. Because we've decided to proceed with another cycle, out-of-pocket, I had to get in for a baseline u/s to make sure the medications hadn't caused any damage.
It was so hard walking back in there this time... I parked in the parking ramp, and as I slowly walked across the sky-way, it felt like I was walking the green mile. I swear I heard a voice calling out, "DEAD (WO)MAN WALKING!" My heart was heavy with failure and loss. I'd really dared believe that this last cycle was it.... Yet here I was... once again walking down that sky-way tunnel of doom.
Defeated, I walked into the waiting room and sat down. There were a few other people waiting. About five minutes later, Nurse Patty came out and called one of the other people in. Patty looked annoyed because the other person took quite awhile collecting her laptop and papers etc. The woman apologized, but said she'd had to wait so long that she needed to do some work. Patty took a look around the waiting room, then asked the receptionist to call Nurse Kristy in to help with patients. I imagine this was Kristy's documentation/work time.
Soon Nurse Kristy came out and called me. Kristy is the one I've mentioned before, who has a hard time finding my ovaries sometimes... but she's by far the friendliest and most empathetic nurse there. She's the one that actually tries to connect with me. Patty is the one I like the least. There's something judgy feeling about her - I don't know. It's fine, but I'm never happy to get her, even though she's a whiz at ovary spelunking.
This play by play does have a point, in case you're wondering....
So I followed Kristy in and got ready. When she came back in, she told me she's sad to see me back here. I felt like she really meant it. I agreed, and then I just blurted out, misty-eyed, that this would probably be our last cycle because insurance ran out. She asked me some questions and was empathetic about the unfairness of it all. She asked how much the Bravelle would be per vial. I told her the best I'd found so far was $58.00 per vial. She offered to bring in some phone numbers of specialty pharmacies that may be cheaper. So we finished up - everything looks fine in there - I got dressed and waited for her to come back in.
A few minutes later, she walked back in carrying two full boxes of Bravelle - 10 vials. She looked at my purse and said, "I'm so glad you have such a big purse! Here, put these in it." I just stared at her... and said, "What do you mean?" She said, "Put these in your purse, they're yours." I actually started to cry... I just couldn't believe it. That's $580.00 worth of Bravelle!!! It's huge!!
I just felt overwhelmed - like this rainbow opening before my very eyes. Kristy said she feels that patients like me deserve to get a little extra help when we need it. I just sat there with my hand over my heart, crying - but this time with happiness. I couldn't thank her enough. Her eyes actually misted up too, as I gushed out my appreciation... Just such a blessing, I couldn't believe it.
I mean, can you imagine what a relief this was for me?? We still have one leftover box at home, so this could possibly get me through this cycle - depending how long it goes this time, of course.
Thing is, I wasn't even supposed to have Kristy - I was supposed to have Patty... Who knows, but I just don't think Patty would have done the same thing. She's more adept at finding my ovaries, but she doesn't have Kristy's compassionate ways. She never converses with me, or inquires into anything like Kristy does. I am so grateful!!
Ar was completely flabbergasted when I told him about this. Ar doesn't get flabbergasted very often! We were both so touched by this ray of goodness; a final bright act in a week that's been filled with grief.
Now here I was filled with sudden hope. Thank you, Lord! Thank you so much!!!
"Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows." (James 1:17)
It was so hard walking back in there this time... I parked in the parking ramp, and as I slowly walked across the sky-way, it felt like I was walking the green mile. I swear I heard a voice calling out, "DEAD (WO)MAN WALKING!" My heart was heavy with failure and loss. I'd really dared believe that this last cycle was it.... Yet here I was... once again walking down that sky-way tunnel of doom.
Defeated, I walked into the waiting room and sat down. There were a few other people waiting. About five minutes later, Nurse Patty came out and called one of the other people in. Patty looked annoyed because the other person took quite awhile collecting her laptop and papers etc. The woman apologized, but said she'd had to wait so long that she needed to do some work. Patty took a look around the waiting room, then asked the receptionist to call Nurse Kristy in to help with patients. I imagine this was Kristy's documentation/work time.
Soon Nurse Kristy came out and called me. Kristy is the one I've mentioned before, who has a hard time finding my ovaries sometimes... but she's by far the friendliest and most empathetic nurse there. She's the one that actually tries to connect with me. Patty is the one I like the least. There's something judgy feeling about her - I don't know. It's fine, but I'm never happy to get her, even though she's a whiz at ovary spelunking.
This play by play does have a point, in case you're wondering....
So I followed Kristy in and got ready. When she came back in, she told me she's sad to see me back here. I felt like she really meant it. I agreed, and then I just blurted out, misty-eyed, that this would probably be our last cycle because insurance ran out. She asked me some questions and was empathetic about the unfairness of it all. She asked how much the Bravelle would be per vial. I told her the best I'd found so far was $58.00 per vial. She offered to bring in some phone numbers of specialty pharmacies that may be cheaper. So we finished up - everything looks fine in there - I got dressed and waited for her to come back in.
A few minutes later, she walked back in carrying two full boxes of Bravelle - 10 vials. She looked at my purse and said, "I'm so glad you have such a big purse! Here, put these in it." I just stared at her... and said, "What do you mean?" She said, "Put these in your purse, they're yours." I actually started to cry... I just couldn't believe it. That's $580.00 worth of Bravelle!!! It's huge!!
I just felt overwhelmed - like this rainbow opening before my very eyes. Kristy said she feels that patients like me deserve to get a little extra help when we need it. I just sat there with my hand over my heart, crying - but this time with happiness. I couldn't thank her enough. Her eyes actually misted up too, as I gushed out my appreciation... Just such a blessing, I couldn't believe it.
I mean, can you imagine what a relief this was for me?? We still have one leftover box at home, so this could possibly get me through this cycle - depending how long it goes this time, of course.
Thing is, I wasn't even supposed to have Kristy - I was supposed to have Patty... Who knows, but I just don't think Patty would have done the same thing. She's more adept at finding my ovaries, but she doesn't have Kristy's compassionate ways. She never converses with me, or inquires into anything like Kristy does. I am so grateful!!
Ar was completely flabbergasted when I told him about this. Ar doesn't get flabbergasted very often! We were both so touched by this ray of goodness; a final bright act in a week that's been filled with grief.
Now here I was filled with sudden hope. Thank you, Lord! Thank you so much!!!
"Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows." (James 1:17)
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