Still no AF today, so I went in for blood test today at 5:45 pm. At 9:30 pm they already had the results. Negative, of course. It shouldn't be a surprise. So why am I sitting here sobbing? Why did I have to ask Ar about daycare today? He works his own business, mostly on the weekends, so we were discussing him being with baby most weekdays. I thought how nice that would be for him... how wonderful he'd be!! How I'd come home every day for lunch... Why can't I just get it through my big, fat, stupid head - this is not going to happen for me!!! How many times can my heart be broken? I'm living in this nowhere land - never giving up and somehow never really believing, but definitely never giving up... How could I let myself believe this time? I actually feel pregnant. How can I let myself believe that? It just feels too much to bear right now. AF is cruel enough when she's regular - how can she be so cruel as to do this?
Keep on keepin' on...
Oh, you poor thing that is so hard, so hard, so hard! I am so very sorry. Praying for you. We reading Bible today and reminded that the Lord is near, and that the God of peace is with us. Praying that you will be comforted in his love for you. I am so sorry :'(
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