Weekends are lovely!

My post today has nothing directly to do with the weekend, but I thought it would be nice to state the obvious!!!! I love weekends - especially when my Ar is around!! He did work this weekend - but nearby, so he was home in the evenings = YAY!!!! He's such a cutie!!!! Anyhow, the weekend was lovely starting with my RE appointment, all the way to now - and actually, hopefully through tomorrow as I am off work tomorrow too!

So, the weekend got off to an early start when I took Friday afternoon off work to go to the long awaited RE appointment. And without further ado.... (drumroll please....) It's all good!! At 40 and 54, we may be older than the average TTC couple, but no one told our bodies!!! All the tests came back, well, great!! Ar's morphology was actually even better than it was two years ago!! We don't know why that is, but are so grateful! (He never had a problem with count or motility, but morphology was a bit low last time.) All my results were great too!! I was worried about my ovarian reserve, but that, and everything, was so positive!! Very encouraging!! The RE was very pleased with our prospects. He did say it would be a good idea to try to lose some weight, but not to worry about it at all. He did comment that if we need to do IVF, then I'd have to lose weight first. I was already aware of that, and he is so kind and encouraging about it all that it doesn't bother me to have him say it. It's amazing how two doctors can say essentially the same thing, and one makes you feel like dirt and the other like dancing!

Anyhow, as for the plan, it's too late to get started with IUI for December because of the holidays, but the plan is to start back into IUI for January!! This time we'll use injectibles instead of Clomid, so we'll have to do another injection training before then.

So, AF should be here any day - and we'll just wait it out till the next AF and get started up all over again!

It's kind of crazy for me to believe that we're back here again, after how hard it had been since our last IUI. But we are - and I think it's right. It feels right. Things are so different now, in so many ways. I still have the lovely and supportive Ar, of course! Now I also have so much more emotional support from other women who understand these things, which is priceless! Being able to just talk to my therapist makes such a difference too, and discovering how therapeutic it is to just write out my thoughts, feelings, and fears in this blog also has been a life-changer for me. I am so grateful for all of these!!

Unfortunately, though in so many ways I'm much healthier, I am also older and weigh more than then. Still, all things considered, I feel good about taking these steps. I've been so calm and positive feeling about all of this lately, and was so patient waiting for the results of these tests. I was particularly proud about that! It was a choice for calm and patience - and I followed through on it.

Now, none of these touchy feely things mean anything as far as what our outcome will be, of course, but if they make the process better, then that will be a blessing in itself. Our good test results give us a fighting chance! No matter what the process or outcome brings, I do feel that I'm better prepared to deal with it in a healthier way. Mind you, I don't by any means mean that I won't ever be emotional or ridiculously sensitive, or worry, or experience all the highs and lows of the IF treatment roller coaster. What I mean is that I want - I need - I choose - to avoid the panic attack road that I ended up on before. I have so many more outlets now, and no longer feel the need to be so tightly in control. I cannot change what has happened before. I cannot change my medical condition. I cannot make us younger or give us more time. I certainly cannot choose the outcome. I can, however, choose to pray, to reach out, and to let go - of the anxiety, shame, fear, and need for control.