Live in the moment and hope for the best

Apparently a dog's motto is, "Live in the moment and hope for the best" - at least according to my coworker, who is the biggest dog lover I've ever met. I don't know if that's true or not, but it's not a bad motto. It's always been hard for me to just live in the moment. I guess anxiety and living in the moment don't exactly go hand in hand, and though panic attacks are new to me, I have come to acknowledge that the more generalized anxiety is not new to me. Still, I have do always hope for the best, so maybe I'm part dog....

AF is two days late. I'm honestly still not very hopeful about it, though, as this has happened before a couple times. The disappointment is so much greater, the higher my hopes get - so I try to be cautious. Anyhow, my body feels PMSy - not pregnant (from what I've read, that is), so I'm trusting my body and not getting excited.

Mind you, I'm not a pessimist; I'm an optimist with lots of experience... So I stopped off at the store tonight to pick up some EPTs -- and some extra AF supplies. I would like it to be true, but I'll be prepared either way.

Also, kind of a funny thing happened today. Ar and I are going on a trip next month, so we went to a travel clinic today to see what shots/meds we need. The questionnaire asked if I am pregnant or expecting to be pregnant soon. Instead of checking either yes or no, and though there was no space to actually write anything, I managed to squeeze in, "It's certainly possible, though not very likely."

The nurse read it, then looked back at me with an odd expression and said, "We don't recommend anti-malarial pills with pregnancy; you should avoid pregnancy for three months after starting them." I replied matter of factly, "Well, that shouldn't be a problem." Then she really gave me a strange look, so I said, "Well, it hasn't happened in more than five years, so I guess the odds are pretty low it'll happen in the next three months."

Meanwhile, Ar was muttering, "It might happen, babe, it might..."

I could tell the poor nurse was thinking, "Let's just stick to the travel medicines, crazy lady!"

I was amused by this little scenario. It seems my ability to interact normally in society has been somewhat compromised by IF. It seems I can't even answer a simple yes or no question on a medical questionnaire, anymore.

But I contend that being asked if I'm pregnant (when I'm two days late), or plan to be soon (when I really, really (really!) want to be) is simply NOT a simple yes or no question!!

Anyhow, I found it a bit humorous. No one else could possibly see the humor in it, though, so I posted it on an IF page I participate in. They totally got it.

I guess that's an interesting thing about IF. It puts you in this weird little club that none of us want to be in, but it sure is nice to have good company - even if you've never met any of them in real life.

Even if we all go on to have children, which I hope and pray happens, I think that most of us will never quite leave the club because IF will have left its mark, hopefully making us better parents and more caring, empathetic people. Whatever the outcome, I truly hope that we will all be better for it. For many of us, such a thought seems impossible. But with God, all things are possible.

Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. Romans 12:12