Red nosed...

Hey - it's HJ the red nosed blogger checking in here.  I wonder if Santa needs my help guiding his sleigh this year....

Indeed, my lovely monthly pimple has arrived to usher in another month of confirmed barrenness.  AF hasn't arrived yet, but the arrival of the pimple means it's on the way; today is CD26.

This month's monstrosity decided to park its ugliness right on my nose this time.  It's perfect, really.  After all, by this time, that I need to find my way out of this monstrosity really should be as clear as the pimple on my nose.

How do you let go?  How do you give up on a dream that is so right and good?

I value perseverance so much more than acceptance, yet I do believe that sometimes strength is in the letting go. Belief or not, I've never been been good at the letting go.  In many ways this is a good quality in me, but of course, as with so many things, it can be a blessing - and a curse.  Have I laid it at the alter?  Have I laid at the alter that nagging spirit of mine that constantly, even in the depths of darkness, tells me to hang in there, to not let go...  that inner voice that so vehemently believes that the answer, the resolution, the way, is always there if you just dig a little deeper, work a little harder. 

Sometimes it's actually not there.  This is hard for me to grasp, let alone accept. Besides, what am I missing in my pursuit of it?  Perhaps the good really is the enemy of the best.

It's so hard to trust - to really trust, with more than just lip service (or fingertip service, as the blogging case may be) that God, our holy father - Abba - will not let this life of mine be unredeemed.

These are some of the lyrics to the Selah song I posted a couple posts ago:

The cruelest word, the coldest heart; The deepest wound, the endless dark; The lonely ache, the burning tears; The bitter nights, the wasted years.  Life breaks and falls apart; But we know these are...  Places where grace is soon to be so amazing. It may be unfulfilled, it may be unrestored; But when anything that's shattered; Is laid before the Lord; Just watch and see, it will not be unredeemed. 

I've had the strength to persevere for a long time, and I'm very tired.  I wonder if I have the strength to let go. Or am I off to the Island of Misfit Toys?

Pimply yours,
HJ