Perils and more hope

Today is Saturday. I am tired, very, very tired! I've spent the last two days working Ar's business, and I will again tomorrow. It's fun, ego building, and profitable, but I am tired. Anyhow this is the reason I'm not going to POAS tomorrow. I'll wait till Monday morning. I took Monday off my normal job, to recup from working the business, so if it's BFN, at least I'll be home with Ar. If it's BFP, at least I'll be home with Ar!!!

It's funny how this cycle has been completely the opposite of last cycle. Last cycle, the first week of the 2ww was great - but the second week was tough. This time that was flip flopped (mmm, flip flops - come spring!!!!!!) I don't know why that is - who can figure out our fickle emotions - so I'll just be grateful that this week's been easier.

At the event I worked at today, there were about 50 pregnant women and tons of babies - and I didn't even feel tempted to cry. I just smiled upon them all, in a pseudo-matronly way. Weird, huh? Maybe all my happy drugs have finally really kicked in....

That's not to say the week was entirely without angst. Earlier this week, I stumbled on an online article called, "Perils of Pregnancy: Obesity and Advanced Age." Honestly, not a great article for me to read. Normally I worry about the very real likelihood that I may never get pregnant and have a child, but after reading this I started to worry about what if I DO get pregnant??? Maybe I'm not healthy enough!! I'm definitely way overweight - and there's the age thing. Would I be risking our child's life, and my own? Check out this awesome excerpt:

Obese women have smaller babies, more pre-term labor, airway problems and chances of serious complications during a C-section.

"The chance of death is higher and it's a real risk," she said.

"Most women do just fine," said Dr. Maurice Druzin, chief of obstetrics and gynecology at Lucile Packard Children's Hospital at Stanford University. But social changes such as women delaying childbirth are making pregnancy more complicated. Advanced reproductive technologies have allowed women "who are not supposed to get pregnant" to have children, said Druzin.

"If you left it to nature, they would not get pregnant at this age," he said. "There are big ramifications of infertility with more multiples. ... Women who are older tend to have more chronic medical illnesses like hypertension and diabetes and are at more risk of getting gestational diabetes and preeclampsia."

So.... yeah. Now I'm a bit worried about not getting pregnant AND about getting pregnant.... Ahhh, what fantastic irony!!!

And don't you love that line about women who are not supposed to get pregnant? Ugh!!

Well, I can't say I'll be able to just disregard that article because... I can't really argue the medical aspects of it. I've said it before, I sure wish I could lose weight before trying more - but at my age I'm in between a rock and a hard place. Oh, how I wish.... I wish, I wish.... I wish I were a fish.

Anyhow, I guess all I can conclude with is this:

Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths. (Proverbs 3:5-6)

And with that, I'm off to bed. We lose an hour tonight for daylight savings, which is always annoying as far as sleep goes - but, it means spring is coming!!!! SPRING IS COMING!!!!!!! And no matter what, the end of winter (though a very mild one this year) is always much welcome news to me. Spring will spring. There is hope, because I know without a doubt that spring will spring. This winter of infertility cannot last forever, either - whatever that means - whatever the spring will look like, I don't know.... but winter never lasts forever. Amen.