Wow!! Such noble and lofty sentiments. But is that all true?
Is it true that we can only know God's love through giving birth and raising a child?
Can we never know joy, unless we are mothers?
Is the childless life not worth living?
If all this is true, then I am destined to a life that forever falls short - and there's just nothing I can do about it. Well, except have kids... which, um, is a no can do. Such a vicious cycle. No wonder so many of us feel so inadequate, disconnected, depressed, and anxious....
But aren't they just beautiful lies that distract from truth? (Just like the uglier lies about how awful kids are.... yep, when you're IF, you hear it all.)
I tend to fall more for the beautiful lies, though I strive to remember that the good is the enemy of the best....
The truth is probably in between the ugly and the beautiful. In any case, parenthood is a challenging blessing! It is also quite obviously lovely and vital, and I wish - like crazy - we could have kids together, Ar and me.
However, despite my inability, and despite what my feelings may try to convince me, the truthiest truth is that knowing God's love is not limited by fertility, joy is still attainable - and my future is still worth living for.
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." (Jeremiah 29:11)
"The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full." (John 10:10)
"May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit." (Romans 15:13)
"But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law." (Galatians 5:22-23)
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| But can I handle the truth? |
You are in a good place when you seek the honest truth, Heather. You can put me in the camp with people who believe that all of life matters. Most of it matters profoundly. If I believed nothing before parenting mattered, there would be hundreds of students who wasted years with me, and seeds planted for the gospel where it had never been heard before that went to waste. I choose not to think this is the case. You are living a life this very day that matters profoundly, dear friend!
ReplyDelete"I often hear people say that, now that they have kids, they realize that nothing before kids really mattered... that being a mom is the highest calling... that the only way one can truly know God's love is to have a child... that they never knew joy before they had kids... that having kids makes the future worth living for."
ReplyDeleteOk frankly, I think that kind of santimonious blather is ridiculous. First, that anyone thinks their worth is completely dependent on another is sad. That's the same as saying that you are only any good if you're married, or make so much $$, or whatever. Your life doesn't begin when you have a child, it's only another chapter.
Secondly, how about after the kids grow up and move on? What - now you're worth nothing again? Might as well move into that rest home the next day! A *healthy* adult already has their own life before, during, and after. Not maintaining your own sense of self, or throwing everything you have into the children without giving to your marriage too is why so many empty-nesters are strangers to each other.
Never knew love or joy? What a dreadful thing to say about your significant other, your family, or anyone else you know, because that's what that says.
Never knew God's love? I guess my Bible is totally missing the verse where he says that his love is conditional upon procreation. MY Bible has MANY verses that say just the opposite. I think I'll keep my book.
I could go on and on about this, because that kind of smug attitude really makes me mad. But what it boils down to is this: Every life is valuable. We all make different choices, and we all are handed different challenges. But it's what we do with the gifts or lemons we are given that makes the difference. So many people waste the gifts. And so many people give up because of lemons. Both are wrong.
Our potential is not limited to our genitalia. We were given minds, hearts and hands capable of doing SO MUCH. Here is just a tiny list of people that I think managed to not be a drag on society, despite their childless state:
Queen Elizabeth I
Diane Sawyer
Amelia Earhart
Mother Theresa
Joan of Arc
George Bernard Shaw
Florence Nightingale
Susan B. Anthony
Harriet Tubman
Louis Armstrong
Ella Fitzgerald
Emily Dickinson
Emily, Branwell, Anne, and Charlotte Bronte
Simone de Beauvoir
Julia Child
Dr. Suess
Jane Austen
JESUS
Ellen
(who has two kids but also a LIFE)
Oh, you and your crazy version of the Bible... ;-) Thanks, Ellen! I agree, of course. It's totally bogus - and I'm just crazy enough to try to counter it sometimes, which never works anyhow. But I just get so sick of hearing these things, and when you're vulnerable, it's even worse.
DeleteThose quotes make me so mad. We had a horrible RE who pretty much said the same about Grandkids. You know love, your life is meaningful. Grrrrrrrr....
ReplyDelete