A little something different

Today is CD 24 of a Clomid cycle.  AF is due sometime in 5 to 7 days or so, so we'll see what happens, but I have to admit that I don't feel any hope that we achieved pregnancy.  I so appreciate having the Clomid to try, though!  I have one more month's worth, so I suppose I'll take that too, just in case.  It sure makes me feel crummy though - and slightly crazy.  Still, it's hard to not try every possibility, no matter how remote.

In other news, I did something very different today.  I felt upset and jealous and I cried - no, that's not the different part.  That part isn't very different at all, unfortunately.  I also responded to some of my friends and confessed to my jealousy, which was hard for me to do and I worried they'd hate me - but I'm glad I did it.  Apparently they don't hate me.  But that wasn't what was really different, either...  

What was really different is that I emailed a local adoption agency.  Just a very non-committal email asking when their next free info session (for infant adoption) is.  Just one little email, but it was a big step for me, nonetheless.

Honestly, the thought of trying to figure it all out...  the thought of jumping all the hurdles...  not to mention all the major big bucks - is very daunting.  I'm afraid because we don't have all the up front money needed, and because of other factors that can make a person ineligible to adopt, such as age and size.   I'm not totally sure this is the thing for us, anyhow, but my heart says to at least look into it a little bit. 

This particular agency seems a bit on the smaller side. I don't know its reputation or anything, but this was encouraging:

"We work with singles, couples, people of all ages, sizes, income levels, ethnicities and religions, people who own their homes, people who rent their homes, people who have been divorced, people who already have kids. . . Whew, have we forgotten anybody?  Remember, at HOPE there is no waiting list. You can start right away."

So... perhaps our going and getting a little info wouldn't hurt, right?   I don't know where this will go, or if it will go anywhere at all...  it was just one little email, after all, but it was significant for me. 

What I really wish is that we just knew someone, who knew someone... someone who's pregnant and looking for adoptive parents - like us!  Wouldn't that be something?