Bubbles galore

I just realized it's been almost two weeks since I posted. Mostly because things have been a whirlwind of activities. This has been a busy season - lots of weddings and birthdays and fun. Oh, and then there was the big work fundraiser, and lots of busy-ness at work, in general.

Tomorrow Ar and I are heading out of town for a romantic little overnight. We want to take a river boat down the Mississippi, except that it might be too cold and rainy. Then we'll stay overnight - we got a jacuzzi room.

We haven't gone in a jacuzzi in ages and ages -- wouldn't want to damage his spermies, after all. We used to do that all the time, though - just relax and enjoy each other in a different setting. Pour in the bubbles.... Love it!!! But we haven't done it in ages. It's just one more thing that we set aside to try to have a little one. I don't know - we're going to do it. I mean, we've not done it all this time and it hasn't made a difference... If we don't do it one more time, and we still don't get pregnant, then we'll just have lost another time.

I was very "in your face, IF!!!!" (shaking my fist) at first, when we decided to do this. I didn't care anymore - we were getting back to that which we always loved! But then I realized I should be ovulating this weekend, then I started to waver a bit. I wondered to Ar if killing his spermies in the hot tub is such a good idea, after all.... He says he thinks that it'll just excite them! Ha! He does crack me up!!!!

Well, we're going - and I'm really looking forward to it!!!

But, as usual, something came up out of the blue today and zapped me again. Stupid IF!!!!

For one thing, I was in a new Target today and I kept getting lost looking for what I needed... It felt like all roads led to the baby section and I'd just end up back there, staring at baby everything and at the happy pregnant ladies, and I had to try to not cry.

Then I came home and checked Fertile Facebook just in time for more pregnancy announcements, complete with the mandatory ultrasound pictures... Sometimes I just stare at those darn pictures and... just cry. It's so hard!!! And how can any of them know how hard it is? It's not their fault, it just is - and it hurts like crazy. I wish it didn't.

But, good for them - really!! These are my friends and I'm so very glad they don't have IF!!!! I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy, let alone people I care about.

I just wish I didn't have it, and I wish you didn't!!! And I wish it didn't hurt so much to see things like u/s pics etc.

And I'm sorry because I'm just plain ole feeling really down right now, it seems. I didn't this morning, but X always equals infertility. Hopefully I won't be so down tomorrow morning, because I've really been looking so forward to our little get-away. No, I will feel better tomorrow!! I will not let IF take my get away from me. I get all too few weekends with my Ar to let IF take this one from me! Do you hear me, IF? You are a dirty, rotten, scoundrel and you will not take my get-away from me, too!!!!!!

Yet you brought me out of the womb; you made me trust in you, even at my mother’s breast. From birth I was cast on you; from my mother’s womb you have been my God. Do not be far from me, for trouble is near and there is no one to help. (Psalm 22:9)