Keep on keepin' on...

Lilypie Trying to Conceive Event tickers
Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is that quiet voice at the end of the day saying, 'I will try again tomorrow!' (M. Radmacher)

July 26, 2013

New blog

Well, I finally got my new blog up. The blog about new. We'll see how it goes - what feels right. I'll perhaps still write here, if I need to process my grief more... I don't plan to dwell on anything like that there, but who knows. As I write, I just let it come out. It's always been my style. But this is a new phase, and a new blog is warranted. I always wondered what I'd do, if I had kids... would I turn this blog into a mommy blog, like so many IFers who got their happy ending have done. I always thought I would not, because I've so often noticed that every time I found a great new IF blog, the next week it turned into a mommy blog. I think my subscribing to IF blogs was a lucky charm for them. Wish I'd have a lucky charm.

Anyhow, I've had a number of things nagging at me these last couple weeks, bringing me down. It's just always baby central around me, it seems, and it really is so hard. I hope others can understand how hard it is. I hope you, my few but loyal blog readers, can understand....  see how the painful reminders are everywhere.

I hope that because I worry I've become an awful and petty person, but it's just so incredibly hard.

However, I'm actively working on not focusing on those things that are constantly flying around me. I once read, supposedly from Martin Luther, though I've never verified that he said it:

"You cannot keep birds from flying over your head but you can keep them from building a nest in your hair."

Whether he said it or not, I like that. That's where I am, I guess... trying to stop the birds from building a nest. 

And so, I may need to step back from my last remaining IF groups. I don't know though. It's just that most of those I'm closest to have found good outcomes by now, so I won't feel like I'm abandoning anyone who needs support. The few that I'm close to, who are still struggling, are ones that I largely communicate with outside of the groups, anyhow - and I wouldn't want that to stop.

It's hard though, when I think about it, because these women have been so important to me throughout this, but I'm not sure being in the groups are healthy for me anymore. I have to think that through more, and feel it out. They're barely even active anyhow, because of all those good outcomes. I guess that's part of why it's hard - the feeling of inadvertent abandonment - others get to move on. I have to move on too - just not the way I want to. And so, such is life.

So here is my new blog... the blog about new: Sweetest in the Gale.  So, in case I haven't already scared you off too badly, by my anxious, depressive, horrid personal rantings, you can check that out. It's strange to have a new blog - a blank slate. This blog, Under Our Tree, which I started during the worst and the lowest of my life, has been so important to me in this nightmare of a journey.

Writing here, and the love and support from you few and loyal, has felt like such a lifesaver! I generally can't speak of it - my grief - very easily, so I'm grateful for this - for you! - and I hope that the new one will be as positive an experience, though I do find myself having some anxiety about the newness of it all - but what else is new, eh?  ☺



1 comment:

  1. Hey Lady! I'm afraid I've been MIA for a few months due to work so I'm incredibly behind but it sounds like your new blog will be a nice breath of fresh air for you. I'll still check in on occasion to see if you update here as well :) I understand your feelings. My own blog has been abandoned for a bit but mainly it's because I just haven't had much to say. But it's nice to know it's there when I do decide to share! I wish the best for you! Life can sure be complicated sometimes but I know we'll all be ok... I daresay we can even be happy despite the hand we've been dealt :D "See" you around!

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