Into the first week

So far this 2ww has been uneventful, which is good! I haven't really been thinking much (read, obsessing), which is also good! So, so far so good! We'll see how next week goes. Typically, the second week of the 2ww is worse for me - one can only distract themselves from reality for so long, you know. Well, a healthy, sane person can only distract themselves from reality for so long, anyhow... GLEEPS!!!!! That is the first time I ever referred to myself as healthy and sane!!!! Interesting! That might be a sign I need to get back into therapy and/or up my meds... After all, calling myself healthy and sane can't possibly be healthy or sane, right???!!!

Anyhow, I don't have too much to report, but I at least wanted to check in and document my progress so far. I haven't changed any of my habits this time, except to greatly reduce caffeine - even though I drink very little of it anyhow, and to avoid ice cream. Ok, that part is still my superstition, but hey - it's not like I need the calories.

I'm also super sleepy from the progesterone suppositories I have to take two times daily. They always knock me right out.

Regardless, I managed to have a pleasant and productive weekend. I was sad though, because Ar was gone all weekend for business. That's not unusual, but for the last several weekends, I've been lucky to have him working nearby. I love when he's home!!! But I did a lot of reading, as well as errands, and baking and such.

Oh, now this is news. I made the worst bread ever today!! I'm a relatively accomplished baker, but apparently not the best shopper... I could have sworn I had another bottle of yeast in the cupboard.... I had everything in the mixer already - including half the yeast - when I realized that I had no more yeast. This has never happened to me before, because I'm also generally pretty organized. Well, I tried to modify, but there's really no good substitute for yeast. Here, I'd felt so proud that despite how late I slept in, I still got all my errands and my baking done - but it's more like a loaf of brick than a loaf of bread. Ar actually wants to keep it though. He did suggest that I not make it this way again - ha ha - but that it wasn't too bad. He'll work at it - at least until I can make him my usual bread next weekend. (I never buy bread - I always bake it, so if I don't bake, there's no bread.) Oh well, it's good to be humbled!! At least the Tuna Tetrazzini turned out great!

So, that's about it for me. Nothing too thrilling. I will continue to try to not think too hard about anything. It's better that way. But I am still hoping. Occasionally, when I've been conscious of my hope over this last week, a little voice in my head tells me to knock it off! To stop hoping - that it's really, really unlikely that I'm pregnant, so I shouldn't get my hopes up. I know that voice is right, but I'm trying to ignore it anyhow. Right now, there's nothing I can do but wait and try to not obsess. Keeping hope in balance is incredibly difficult, especially during the 2ww. I hope and hope, but if I hope too much, if I let myself believe, then a BFN will be all that much worse... I don't want a BFN, but I've never known anything else.

"Teach us, O Lord, the disciplines of patience, for to wait is often harder than to work." (Peter Marshall)