The 2nd week

Did I recently write that the 2ww was pretty uneventful and calm? Hmm. The crazies have begun - and let me just tell you... I'm terrified.

I'm terrified because I want this so much, and right now I'm not sure I can take another heartbreak. I'm more terrified than usual because I have been super nauseated for two days, all I want to do is sleep, I have heartburn, and the weirdest of all is that I've had this strange taste in my mouth - almost metallic.

Of course, everyone gets nauseated and tired sometimes, but the heartburn and strange taste are downright bizarre for me. In fact, I didn't even know they can be pregnancy symptoms until I consulted Dr. Google, which is always a mistake. But, honestly, I've never had anything like that before, so I wasn't even thinking pregnancy... but that's the first thing that came up.

I'm 7 dpo (days past ovulation), which means I'm into the 2nd week of the 2ww. It seems this is too early for symptoms, right? Not according to Dr. Google, though.

To top it all off, this morning, Ar informed me that my breasts look bigger. They don't look bigger to me, but they do look... well, different.

So I am just terrified.

I do not want to spend the next week thinking about these things and wondering - torture. I do not want these symptoms if I am not pregnant. I can't even write these things without crying. I just don't know if I can handle if I start to really believe, and then find out it's not true. I want this so much, I'm just not sure I can take it if I'm not. I just can't let myself believe, but with all these bizarre symptoms, some of which I couldn't just be imagining, it's hard to not start to believe. I'm just not sure I can handle it.

No - that's not true. I've done it before, I can do it again because "if I stand, let me stand on the promise that You will see me through, and if I can't - let me fall on the Grace that first brought me to you." (Rich Mullins)

But that doesn't make me any less terrified. Oh Lord, help.