Optimist with experience

Today was cycle day three. I had my ultrasound yesterday, and all was fine. My RE did change my dosage a bit. Tonight and tomorrow I am doing double the dose of Bravelle, then on day five it's back to the normal one vial of Bravelle. So we'll see how that goes - the Bravelle does seem to make me a little more anxious as is, so hopefully it'll be ok.

Mostly, I hope that this produces more follicles. Each cycle I've seemed to produce one good follicle.... more would be better.

I also set up an appointment for a consult with the RE, for after this cycle. If it doesn't work, I'll have to see him again before we go on.

I know I shouldn't focus on this, but it does feel like it's all resting on this next cycle. After this, we're out of insurance and as I've mentioned before, IVF wouldn't currently be an option. I am trying to not focus on these concerns, however. After all, I do have a whole fresh, new cycle ahead of me. I pray that it works, and I pray that if it does I will have a safe and healthy pregnancy - and a healthy baby - despite not being in prime maternity condition.

If it doesn't work, then we will deal with it. We will meet with Dr. D. and see what he has to say, and we will keep going forward. Hopefully there would be another option, hopefully that wouldn't be the end -- but it's hard to not feel like I'm quickly approaching the Bermuda Triangle of infertility: age, money, and weight... Age, money, and weight - all three are working against me, big time! I can try to fix two, but the age part keeps moving forward no matter what.

BUT, ok - no more of that! Starting....... NOW, I am focusing only on this cycle!!! This cycle and this cycle alone. I will not think about failed past cycles, nor what the murky future may hold. Today is day three, day three of a bright, new cycle - full of hope!!! Yes!! I definitely feel that way... I feel at least 85% that way!! Hmm, ok, maybe 75%.... Yes, but the 70% of me that feels that way, feels it strongly!! 70% - and I'm stickin' with that!!! Actually, you know - maybe it's 74%....

I am, after all, an optimist -- with experience.

Yep - it's a solid 72.6%!!!