Feet grabbing monsters

He says, “Be still, and know that I am God." (Psalm 46:10)

I'm totally not superstitious!!! Not a bit - nope, not me!!!! Seriously, I'm not.

So then, why do I find myself second guessing everything I'm doing today? Salad? I can't eat salad - my acupuncture doctor told me to not eat salad. I need to eat warming foods, like shrimp.

Milk? I'm either absolutely supposed to drink milk, or milk will destroy everything I've worked so hard for - depending who you ask. I don't know what to do with milk. Ice cream - God's most perfect food - is right out! That's a COLD food!!! Gee, I bet no pregnant or TTC woman in the world has ever eaten ice cream - and - still managed to have a healthy child, right? But there's no way I'm chancing that one!

Work out, but don't work out hard - just a gentle walk, perhaps.

Diet Pepsi - curses!!! Caffeine!!! I can't have any caffeine - even though I only ever consume about 35mg of caffeine a day... even that must surely be too much!!

Stay relaxed, stay positive, imagine the egg fertilizing... imagine it implanting... visualize.... be sure to rest.... ovaries need sleepy! Oh, and be sure to eat the core of a pineapple. Blah, blah, blah!!!!

I struggled with these thoughts a bit today. I think a little more so because of how good our numbers etc were. It feels like this is the best shot we've had, so shouldn't I do everything exactly right!!! Well, what's exactly right anyhow? Who really knows? Ugh! Well, I wasn't obsessive, at least. I'm kind of proud of not being obsessive. Hee, I have such low standards for myself!!! But I really did work to try to reject this line of thinking - even though I did have shrimp for lunch and dinner. I can at least justify that by the fact that I do love shrimp dishes - but, let's be honest, I don't normally have shrimp twice a day, or even twice a week.... Sigh.

It's hard though, isn't it? In the two week wait, there's nothing really to do except stuff some progesterone capsules up you know where and try, try, try to manage expectations - try, try, try to avoid being too up or too down about it all - try not to think.

Oh yeah, and pray.

And remember that every day holds the possibility of a miracle -- because God is the creator of every - single - day.

But what's there to DO? I need to DO something!!

How many IFers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Screw in a lightbulb, you say... Gee, I don't know - but if you think it'll work I'll give it a shot!!

Yeah, pretty much we'll do or try anything to have a kiddie, won't we? Waiting is very hard.

I realize -again- that this struggle is really not superstition. It's about control. If I figure out the right things, and do those things, then I'm sort of in control, right??? Ahhh, how I love the perception of being in control. It's one of my favorite (false) perceptions of all time.

Of course I need to be healthy - but I need to be that anyhow... Reasonable pregnancy precautions are reasonable, of course - but I do have a tendency to take it too far in my mind. It's easy to somehow start believing my every move, every thought, makes a difference.

Realistically, considering how many babies have been born under completely horrid circumstances, eating a small bowl of ice cream probably won't destroy all my chances. So, just slow down. Stop surfing the web for information on how to encourage implantation. Just - be. Be still and know that He is God. And eat some ice cream, if you feel like it.

Now if you want to hear about an actual superstition, let me tell you... I do perhaps actually have one. See, I love to have my feet free at night - free from the under the blankies. Feet should be FREE, I tell you!! However, I cannot sleep that way because somehow I believe that if my feet are out, monsters or intruders will come - grab my feet - and "get me!" It's true - every night I have this issue. Suddenly I realize my feet are out and I just know I need to get them back in - and quick. Apparently intruders and monsters only come after people whose feet are showing. Yep, now that's some crazy stuff, right there!!!