News of the real

Yesterday I thought about stealing a very adorable little toddler boy.  He looked a little like Han, from my dream, only even younger.  It's important to emphasize that I did not, and would not.  Ah, but he was a sweetie!!   Do (fertile) parents realize how incredibly blessed they are, I wonder.  I just hear so much complaining, so it's hard to know -  but I really hope they do realize it.    

Also yesterday, CD 6, I started taking Clomid - 150mg.  It's leftover Clomid, which I'm not taking under doctor's supervision.  I'm grateful to have some leftover Clomid, even if the next logical step - for someone who had the wherewithal, which we don't - would be IVF.  I figure something is better than nothing, right?  Clomid is what I have, so Clomid is what I'll try - again.  I've previously done 8 (obviously unsuccessful)  rounds of Clomid, so I know how I respond (or don't) to it.  The best response I had was at the 150 mg dose, but - lest anyone worry - I'm seriously under virtually no risk of hyper-stimulating. 

I'm not sharing this news with my IF groups because... well, I don't know.   It kinda feels weird not to, but mostly it seems so silly for me to start taking Clomid at this stage in the game.   Such wonderful things are happening for so many of the group; somehow it just seems silly to even bother mentioning this.  Admittedly, I've also started to perceive that IVF is the only treatment that seems to really matter in the IF world - that you're not really a veteran IFer until you do that.  I don't agree with that, of course, but I'm obviously feeling that vibe enough to not share - except to those trusted few of you who also read my blog, of course.  In any case, I'm taking it and am so very glad to have it! My options are so limited, I guess I just want to pursue any options that I do have.   Even if I am getting left in the dust, I'll keep crawling along as best I can.

But I do promise to not steal any children - no matter how cute they are, or how adequate of parents I think Ar and I would make.  I do so like to keep expectations low, you see, but honestly, I really do think we'd be okay, ya know.  I just wish we had the chance to find out for real.  Then again, what's real anyhow?  Sometimes lately I don't even feel real.  Isn't that weird?  Am I real?  

Well, I'm not sure if I am real or not, but if the scale is to be believed, I'm very much real.  Otherwise, I'm the heaviest imaginary person ever!!  On the weight loss front, I have lost no weight over the last two weeks.  Hey - I'm pretty awesome at segues, aren't I?  That was a pretty sweet one!! You might be interested to know that I almost spelled that as segway, which is a whole different thing to be awesome at!!  I'm pretty sure I'm better at segues than segways.

Getting back to my weighty point, I also haven't gained any weight over the last two weeks, which is a big victory, actually.  It was two crazy weeks, including our anniversary - and so I just did the best I could without worrying too much.  I'm incredibly pleased that I didn't gain!!  This week, however, will hopefully bring a pound or two loss.  

I tried a new Weight Watchers recipe tonight; I must say, it was delicious!!  It was Shrimp Creole, which I served with brown rice and John-na Cakes (a very non-Weight Watchery variation on baking powder biscuits).   It was yummy, and we both enjoyed it very much - but the Shrimp Creole made Ar sweat...  ha ha!  Our friends always enjoy hearing that this Wisconsin girl takes the heat so much better than that cute guy from the Caribbean does!!  Then again, cute Caribbean boy takes the cold (weather) so much better than the Wisconsin girl.  What can I say, I guess we're just a riddle, wrapped up in a mystery, inside an enigma.

Well, I wish I could leave this post on that incredibly exciting high note, but unfortunately I also have sad news to share. Yesterday I attended the funeral of my former boss - and friend.  His service was full of much laughter and many tears.  Let me tell you, he was one of the really good guys!!  He made a big difference in the life of so many.  It's impossible to believe he's gone, impossible to see him like that.  He was always so full of life... it just doesn't seem right.  It was incredibly lovely, however, to talk with his son, who looks and speaks so much like he did; it was uncanny at times.  I hadn't seen his kids since they were just young kids; now they're such impressive young adults!  They are now the age that my bros and I were when our dad died.  It breaks my heart to think of all the life they will experience without this wonderful father. I am glad that they had the chance to say goodbye before he left - it's not that it makes his loss easier, but at least they hopefully won't have regrets about things left unsaid.   So...  goodbye, farewell, and amen, to a most excellent man.  

"He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end. I know that there is nothing better for men than to be happy and do good while they live. That everyone may eat and drink, and find satisfaction in all his toil—this is the gift of God. I know that everything God does will endure forever; nothing can be added to it and nothing taken from it. God does it so that men will revere him." (Ecclesiastes 3:11-14)