New blog

Well, I finally got my new blog up. The blog about new. We'll see how it goes - what feels right. I'll perhaps still write here, if I need to process my grief more... I don't plan to dwell on anything like that there, but who knows. As I write, I just let it come out. It's always been my style. But this is a new phase, and a new blog is warranted. I always wondered what I'd do, if I had kids... would I turn this blog into a mommy blog, like so many IFers who got their happy ending have done. I always thought I would not, because I've so often noticed that every time I found a great new IF blog, the next week it turned into a mommy blog. I think my subscribing to IF blogs was a lucky charm for them. Wish I'd have a lucky charm.

Anyhow, I've had a number of things nagging at me these last couple weeks, bringing me down. It's just always baby central around me, it seems, and it really is so hard. I hope others can understand how hard it is. I hope you, my few but loyal blog readers, can understand....  see how the painful reminders are everywhere.

I hope that because I worry I've become an awful and petty person, but it's just so incredibly hard.

However, I'm actively working on not focusing on those things that are constantly flying around me. I once read, supposedly from Martin Luther, though I've never verified that he said it:

"You cannot keep birds from flying over your head but you can keep them from building a nest in your hair."

Whether he said it or not, I like that. That's where I am, I guess... trying to stop the birds from building a nest. 

And so, I may need to step back from my last remaining IF groups. I don't know though. It's just that most of those I'm closest to have found good outcomes by now, so I won't feel like I'm abandoning anyone who needs support. The few that I'm close to, who are still struggling, are ones that I largely communicate with outside of the groups, anyhow - and I wouldn't want that to stop.

It's hard though, when I think about it, because these women have been so important to me throughout this, but I'm not sure being in the groups are healthy for me anymore. I have to think that through more, and feel it out. They're barely even active anyhow, because of all those good outcomes. I guess that's part of why it's hard - the feeling of inadvertent abandonment - others get to move on. I have to move on too - just not the way I want to. And so, such is life.

So here is my new blog... the blog about new: Sweetest in the Gale.  So, in case I haven't already scared you off too badly, by my anxious, depressive, horrid personal rantings, you can check that out. It's strange to have a new blog - a blank slate. This blog, Under Our Tree, which I started during the worst and the lowest of my life, has been so important to me in this nightmare of a journey.

Writing here, and the love and support from you few and loyal, has felt like such a lifesaver! I generally can't speak of it - my grief - very easily, so I'm grateful for this - for you! - and I hope that the new one will be as positive an experience, though I do find myself having some anxiety about the newness of it all - but what else is new, eh?  ☺