Joy to the world...

...the Lord is come!!  

I love this song!  I love Christmas carols and I love church at Christmas time!  (Not that I don't love it the rest of the year, of course, but Christmas is... so very special.)

Today at church was the kids program - about 60 or more super cute kiddies up there singing and reading... They provided the entire service - and they were all you'd hope for and then some.  The older kids did an excellent job reading, some with more dramatic flair than others.  The younger kids sang great and provided some good comedy.  Some of the kids were dressed like little men and ladies, others in Angry Birds ties or blinking lights ties, others in Santa dresses or tutus...  It's hard to explain the complicated mix of emotions that arise with this sort of event.  It's wonderful to listen to children singing about Jesus!  It's sweet and lovely and fun - and incredibly heart wrenching.  We should have maybe a five and a three year old by now, if only...

Still, I thought I was holding up okay, but towards the end when we were closing with "Joy to the World," at the 3rd verse, the tears started to drop - and could not be stopped. I couldn't even finish singing.  These words just pierced my heart:

"No more let sins and sorrows grow,

Nor thorns infest the ground;

He comes to make His blessings flow

Far as the curse is found,

Far as the curse is found,

Far as, far as, the curse is found."

My sorrows have grown... oh how they've grown.  They have grown beyond my comprehension.  And don't even get me started on the thorns infesting the ground....

And so the tears did flow.

I'm so glad that Ar didn't have to work today, so he was there beside me.  There's a reason I posted this picture today, for the photo a day challenge I'm doing.  Today's theme was "hands at work."

I've posted this picture here before - all the other pictures (except a special one of Ar that I love) I'm shooting special for the challenge, but I felt this one was appropriate for today.  We ended up having a lovely day together.  What a blessing to be able to talk through the heart break, once again - and to still be able to have such a nice time together. I never understand why Ar hasn't grown sick of me yet, but I'm so very grateful.

I'll just never understand any of this, and I always want to understand.   More importantly, I want to fix this - to make it better, but it seems there's no making it better.  There's only forward and the hope that maybe one day I can sit through a children's program without bursting into weepy tears.

Oh Lord, how I need help.  I am so broken.